Tuesday, July 19, 2005

unsolicited advice for future democratic and other candidates

If your opponent has raised more money than you:

"Big business is showering money on my opponent and wants to get rid of me because I'm looking out for you. Don't let the biggest whore win this election."

If your opponent goes for personal attacks, directly or through surrogates:

"my opponent is a coward. He is afraid to talk about real issues, so he sends his fat, boneless gossip weasel out to root around in my past to make you think I'm a bad person. But who I've slept with, what I've smoked or drank, or who I've done business with isn't going to get your kids into the doctor when they're sick or into college when they finish high school. I want to make those things affordable for your family. My opponent wants to make them less affordable so his friends can profit. I want to talk about that, and he doesn't. I'm running to be your president (or senator, congressman, or dog-catcher). I guess he's running for editor of the national enquirer."

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