Biden to Pick Country at Random to Remove US Troops to Show Russia How to Do It

 

In an effort to end the Russian invasion of Ukraine, President Biden is taking the unprecedented foreign policy step of leading by example and pulling troops out of a country the US has invaded.  

As an added show of good faith, he will choose that country at random by covering his eyes and pointing at a map randomly.

When asked by reporters if any countries will be exempt, he said, "Of course!  We're not going to give up countries that grow our bananas or cocaine, make our clothes for pennies a day, or have natural resources our extraction companies can profit from.  That would just be stupid."

The puzzled press corps asked which countries that left.

"Wherever those Barbery pirates came from, and some of our troops just ran out of gas in Lichtenstein and decided to stay for the Licht festival.

Another reporter asked what would happen if he accidentally pointed to part of the United States.

"Come on, man!  We're not going to give up all that stuff we won from Mexico!  If we did that, where the hell would we go for vacation? Florida? Jesus, it's too damn humid and the alligators would eat my grandkids.

Speaking of Florida, if I happen to land on that, I will return it to the Queen of Spain, but she's gotta take Trump and that Rick DeMentos or whatever the hell his name it. That's non-negotiable."

Trump Vows to PERSONALLY Rid Baltimore of Rats

President Donald Trump said today his comments about Rep. Elijah Cummings Baltimore district being rat infested have been grossly misinterpreted.

"People say that I mean something 'racist' by saying that, but I'm not," Trump said.

"I care about the people of Baltimore, so much that half the time I'm scheduled to be golfing, or at Mar a Lago, or shopping for new wives, I've really been hunting rats in the sewers of Baltimore."

Trump went on to say, "People don't realize how much I care.  I do.  If I see a problem, I will not only deploy the full power of the federal government to fight it, from our infantroopen to the latest steam catapult aircraft carrier, but I'm willing to get down and dirty myself.  Because that's how much I care. I really care."

Trump added that his years of avoiding the draft and his personal Vietnam of avoiding STD's while paying for sex in the 70's prepared him with the stealth skills to sneak up on rats.

He also said, his rat hunting safaris started as a teenager in his father's low income housing developments.

"My dad and I were very concerned that our buildings weren't safe for human habitation.  I hunted and killed hundreds, maybe millions of rats.  I could actually be a rat killing billionaire, but whose counting? But it was never enough.  That's why my dad said to me, 'Son, this place is so unsafe, I don't feel right about letting African Americans live here.  They deserve better.'"

Many Trump biographers have said this was the beginning of the president's obsession with vermin, cleanliness, and even "shitholes" since he crawled through many to protect the tenants in his father's buildings.

Trump fought bitterly with aides to make his famous "drain the swamp" slogan "clean the shitholes" but they prevailed saying networks might draw the line at playing that on air unbleeped.



"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a superhero that defended people from rats. I knew the only way to defeat them was to surround myself with them, think like them, and even become them. I think I've succeeded, don't you?"

Countdown to Point of No Return from Climate Change

Remember when scientists said we have twelve years left to get our shit together and do something about climate change?

Here's how long we have left.

  point of no return for climate changeCountdown

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Presidential Countdown

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is old enough to be president inCountdown

Post Trump Letters to My Democratic Senators

As much as know-nothings and racists, corrupt Democrats who don't listen to or fight for their constituents cost their party the presidency.

Here's one of my letters to my three Democratic senators (one is being replaced at the end of this term by another). I live in a Republican House district, so I have no rep to contact there.

Feel free to copy and send it to your own senators, reps, and state and national party officials.


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Sen. Dianne Feinstein

United States Senate

331 Hart Senate Office Building

Washington, D.C. 20510

November 13, 2016

Sen. Feinstein,

As a Democratic voter old enough to remember the George W. Bush years, I urge you to fight against Republicans and fight for progressive values rather than repeat the shameful enabling that Democrats in both chambers did for nearly all of the Bush presidency.

I am under no illusions that Democrats made some faulty tactical political decisions to pursue a greater good. 

The reality is too many elected Democrats take their marching orders from Wall Street banks and other corporations even when what they want conflicts with the best interests and wishes of the overwhelming majority of your constituents.  This has been especially true on issues like Wall Street deregulation and  bailouts, instead of regulation and vigorous prosecution, enabling the privatization of public education and prisons, and not publicly challenging the business and geopolitical goals of our foreign policy and means of implementing them.

A profound example of this was Obamacare that was written largely by insurance companies with seemingly no provision to control their arbitrary price increases instead of something like Medicare for All or at least a public option that would have served as a threat to private insurers that if they didn't act ethically, their customers could leave them for that.

Democrats in Congress have also supported rather than opposed our profoundly dishonest and criminal policies in Middle East.  Our allies in the Gulf, and indirectly (barely) our own government are supporting groups like ISIS to undermine secular regimes like the one in Syria, and the past one in Libya.

Likewise, the recently declassified Saudi pages of the Joint Congressional Inquiry into 9/11 make it clear that Saudi Arabia funded and supported the 9/11 hijackers, which our government did nothing about.  This makes it clear that terrorism is not a problem our government is fighting but a tool and excuse it is using to pursue other goals.  No one in the leadership of Democrats in Congress has ever clearly articulated what those goals are and consistently fought this agenda that I know of.

Worse, once the Cold War ended and Russia became at least as capitalist as us, rather than find a way to cooperate with them, we have violated our word, expanded NATO to their borders, and fomented coups in places like the Ukraine to install regimes hostile to Russian security and economic interests like the transit of oil and gas from Russia to European markets.  A lot of people like myself balked at voting for Hillary Clinton since she had enthusiastically implemented this policy as Secretary of State and during her campaign, announced even more confrontational policies that could have lead to war with nuclear armed Russia.  While we might "win" such a war, millions would lose their lives and trillions dollars would be wasted to benefit very, very few.

While you have been progressive on many domestic issues, your family’s profiting from war contracts makes your support of any policy in that area suspect to say the least.  

Senator Feinstein, I urge you to help make the Democratic Party represent working people instead of just being the corporate party that doesn't pander to bigots.

Urge your colleagues to fight for leaders of the Democratic minority in Congress who will fight for progressive values.  Wall Street tools like Chuck Schumer should not even be considered an option.

Democratic voters will no longer tolerate politicians who give us lip service during election season, their back after, and their loyalty to Wall Street.

Sincerely,

 Professor Smartass

Corporate Democrats Act Like the Cable Company

After enduring another round of DLC/Third Way/Centrist whatever the fuck they're calling themselves this week berating of progressives after and even before the election because we didn't adequately support their candidates, I just realized their behavior is a lot like the cable company.

Remember that guy who tried to cancel his service a while back, and the cable company kept him on the phone haranguing him about what a good deal he was giving up?

Where else are you gonna go?  Back to the three shitty channels you get with an antenna?

Corporate Dems think they are cable and Republicans are the antenna.  They know fewer and fewer people like the handful of channels they get with the antenna: tax cuts for the rich, cuts to government services, fear of gays, blacks, Mexicans, Muslims, and some foreigners yet to be determine, and military spending and war 24/7.

So the corporate Dems give us some channels we like: gay rights, better education spending, health care reform, Social Security, and a couple of others.

But they also make us pay for a lot of channels we don't want, including a lot of the worst Republican ones: trade deals, privatization of government services like education, weak punishment and regulation of Wall Street crimes, the surveillance state, and endless war.

Sure there are third parties like the satellite systems, but they are set up much like the cable companies, and while they offer a better deal, they don't really cut into the cable business in most places.

They think they just have to wait for the old farts that like antenna's racist, "get off my lawn" audience to die off, and they will own the market.

But like cable, competition could come from some entirely unexpected direction.

People are cutting their cable and getting the programs they want a la carte on Amazon, iTunes, and the like.

The corporate Democrats don't seem to realize that that kind of unexpected changes is coming to politics.

Even if they took better care of their customers, it would only delay the inevitable.

The cable box is going to end up in the dumpster along with the last rabbit ears antennas.

And if they don't take better care of us, we might throw the box out before we figure out what the replacement is.

New sports for the century of climate change

Since we are seeing more and more of the dark side of favorite American sports like the brain injuries, domestic violence, and worse that result from football, maybe it's time to invent some new ones that will actually help us make it through the century of climate change.

One area might be clean energy.

You could divide it up into wind, solar thermal, and non-dam hydro. To make it competitive between rich and poor schools, have them make wind turbines and solar thermal units from stuff they pull from a dump, so they're recycling too.

An obvious start would be to make their own schools entirely energy self-sufficient, and then to start making money from power generation through net metering.

Another area could be potable water.

Which school can use low tech recycled materials and clean energy to reclaim the most dirty water, extract moisture from the air, or desalinate sea water?

For the less clever, more brute strength types, sandbagging.

Can you protect your community from flooding by building up the levee?

Which school can make the most earthbag housing for people displaced by flooding, fires, and drought?

You could add more hoops for them to jump through to add some "strategery," but this would also appeal to desire to contribute and be a "superhero" innate in most kids.

Instead of saving the game, they could save the world.