Professor Smartass

This is a pretty good indication of how our energy debate in America is driven by oil, gas, and coal public relations bullshit not reality.

Labels: alternative energy, coal, energy, germany, natural gas, oil, petroleum, photovoltaic cells, public utilities, solar power, wind

Clear Channel wanted to diversify the range of voices on LA radio, especially in light of the Limbaugh dust up and KFI local hosts John & Ken's remarks referring to Whitney Houston as a ''crack ho'' after her death, but instead of replacing Limbaugh or the KFI locals, they bumped nationally known progressive talker Thom Hartmann. 

Labels: 1150 AM, 640 am, clear channel, crack ho, diverse LA, john and ken, KFI, KTLK, rush limbaugh, slut, thom hartmann, whitney houston

After his success energizing Republican voters with his attack on contraception, presidential candidate Rick Santorum has reached even deeper into traditional Catholic sexual edicts to add prima nocta, also known as droit du seigneur, the right of nobles to sexual relations with brides on their wedding nights, to his women's issues platform.

To underline his embrace of this tradition, Santorum announced it during a campaign event at Dark AJ's Medieval Dinner Park in Hannibal, Missouri, going as far as to dress in Middle Ages attire himself.

"You know our critics on the loony left often say they can't see how the Christian wing of the Republican Party can co-exist with the free market wing, as if there was some conflict of values between the two," Santorum began.

"But in the ancient tradition of prima nocta, these two wings become one beautiful bird, perfectly illustrating God's hierarchy for all living things, and the economic superior embodying God's love as he fills the inferior."

As Santorum spoke, the prima nocta scenes from movies like Braveheart and Beckett played in the background.

Since America has no formal nobility, Santorum said as president he will fight for a law to adapt the ancient droit du seigneur to become a droit du corporis, or right of the corporation.

The right could be exercised by the CEO, major shareholders, or board members of any corporation over recently married employees or customers indebted to the corporation through mortgages, credit card debt, or other consumer loans.

"What is really exciting is this could provide a new opportunity for the free market," Santorum continued.  "If the CEO or others legally granted the right choose not to exercise it, they could sell that right on a nocta market."

A reporter asked if  CEO's could also take the first night of gay spouses in states where gay marriage is legal.

Santorum thought for several minutes before saying, "I'll have to consult some trusted Vatican scholars before giving a definitive answer, but I can say as a Republican that so long as they do it in the closet, and at least one of them claims publicly to be straight, it's probably ok."

UPDATE: Seth McFarlane used his FAMILY GUY characters to create this educational video on prima nocta for Santorum.

Labels: catholic church, contraception, corporations, dark ages, droit du seigneur, gay marriage, Medieval, middle ages, parody, prima nocta, reproductive rights, rick santorum, satire

A Hershey, Pennsylvania ice cream shop owner came up with a novel way to support his favorite GOP presidential candidate: by creating a milkshake in his name.

Francis (Frank) Manuopus thought he should do more that plant a lawn sign to spread his support for Santorum, so he invented the Santorum Shake, made with double dutch chocolate (in honor of the Pennsylvania Dutch) and whipped cream because Santorum is "the cream of the crop" to Manuopus.

"If someone has never had the Santorum Shake, they absolutely MUST have a cherry on top," Manuopus added.

He has promoted it in various ways, such as selling it for 50% off if people ask for it at the far right end of the counter or who come in the back door.

He said the shake has proven popular, especially with the town's gay community.

"With Rick's stand on gay rights, you wouldn't think they'd be interested, but they have been flooding in, saying they want to taste Santorum.  Sometimes they are really surprised how good it  is.  One even said Santorum tastes a lot better cold.  I guess some gave him one that had melted to room temperature.  That would be too runny for my taste," Manuopus said.

Manuopus said he isn't sure that all the gays who come in are Santorum supporters though.

"One group came in and one of the guys looked sort of like Rick and even wore a sweater vest.  The other three bought Santorum shakes, sucked them up into straws, and blew it on the one dressed like Rick.  They were good sports and cleaned it up though.  They said they didn't want anyone to slip in their Santorum."

Manuopus was especially proud that his parish priest came in and tried the shake. "I was really surprised. The priest said he has made this for boys in the rectory lots of times, but never actually tried it."

He hopes the candidate himself will get a taste of his own Santorum before the Pennsylvania primary.  "Nothing would make me prouder than seeing Rick wiping my Santorum off his face," Manuopus beamed.


UPDATE: Always a good sport, Newt Gingrich came in for a Santorum Shake when he was in town.  He brought his own whipped cream and offered to share it with all the ladies in the shop.  


"Frankly, I used to enjoy sharing this with my wife, but now it's more fun to give it to women I've just met," he explained.

Labels: gop candidate, ice cream parlor, milkshake, parody, pennsylvania primary, republican primary, rick santorum, satire